SEXY - Quikie

Partners get bored of sex at some point in their relationship, often sooner than later. Even the hotest and heavies are not immune to potential pitfalls as they try to cross the sexual high wire.

In general, everyone has the capacity to experience sensation at some level, but there’s a range in the degree of intensity that we’re receptive to and seek out. In terms of sensation-seeking and sex, people tend to fall into two categories: the highs and lows.

The lows--The best relationships are those in which the couple is evenly matched on the sensation-seeking scale, which isn’t always easy to know in the beginning of a relationship because we’re being fueled by so many potent sex chemicals. When we’re in the infatuation stage, or honeymoon period, the relationship itself is the new experience, so we don’t need to seek out more. It’s after the initial period that differences start to manifest themselves. Some studies have shown that ideally it’s best when we’re matched at the low-sensation level: Expectations are even, and we’re less likely to grow bored or get habituated to sex. This is the less-is-more crowd, and a great, satisfying relationship can be built and sustained at this level.

The high sensation-seeking level -- the sexual bungee-jumpers--Hot-Sexers. These are people who often crave stimulation and sexual novelty and are more easily bored. As such, they’re more liable to cheat.

In general the Hot-Sexers gets a rush from sex, associated with the brain’s production of dopamine, a near-cousin of adrenaline. Dopamine is produced when we do novel, exciting things together, and it fuels the infatuation stage for all new lovers. But the dopamine rush is addictive -- it’s interesting to note that FMRI-scans of the brains of people head over heels in love show high activity in the same areas as those of drug addicts and alcoholics. High sensation-seekers are literally operating under the influence.

This has more dangers than the less-is-more group. These are the dangers facing the Hot-Sexers:

In terms of priorities, the hot-sexers often put excitement ahead of intimacy. Crudely put, it becomes more about the sport of having sex than making love. So hot-sexers might start to feel emotionally out of step with each other, or feel bereft of genuine intimacy.

Hot-sexers may develop a pattern of solving relationship issues through sex, and become dependent on sex as a way of coping.

Hot-sexers may also be more prone to the fighting-then-sex pattern of stimulating the dopamine through a fight followed by an intense make up.

Hot-sexers develop problems as their relationship naturally changes and starts to include other things, like a family. Most couples need to struggle to make a separate place in their lives for sex, but hot-sexers often have the opposite problem -- they need to create a life outside of sex.

This group pushes the extremes of sexual experimentation -- exhibitionism, voyeurism -- which could have practical repercussions (for example, losing track of a homemade sex video) or emotional repercussions (for example, hurt feelings caused by the fallout of a threesome or other sexual adventure). Everyone has sexual fantasies, but the high sensation-seekers are much more likely to turn fantasy into action, sometimes with unwanted consequences. This group might also become more dependent on external triggers -- porn, sex toys, risky behavior, etc. -- than the low-lows.

Sex often defines the relationships and eclipses personal growth in other areas of life.
Hot-Sexers are off to a great start in that they don’t need to kindle desire, but the risk is an out-of-control blaze. A bush fire that end quickly and leaving unreapairable damage.