The Awakening

For the past 8 days I drown myself to work, 20hrs a day 7 days a week. For what and why, now I suddenly ask myself. I kept me busy like a cow in an attempt to forget, enveloped, erase, put behind the catastrophic events that ended a dream like love affair, at least I thought it was. I kept my thoughts and emotions away from the memories, that I considered precious. I had to fight nostalgia. I had to get rid of false hope. I have to be a man. Abruptly I wonder what does it take to be a man?

I reflected and was enlightened. I came to be reminded that I am a man - a good man, capable of loving. A man true to himself and to others. And I’m satisfied to realize that I didn’t fail the relationship or myself. I made a mistake a good mistake, giving and doing all of everything to something that probably don’t deserve, who knows. But deserving or not I was true to the end.
And after the end:
- I did not turn the other into scapegoat in order to project myself as true and good.
- I did not look for the mistake of others to be sinless into the eyes of people I know.
- I did not find reasons to serve my purpose, and cover a lie with a lie.
- I did not exaggerate the actual events.
- I did not pretend to be strong.
- I did not turn my back to the facts and reality.
- I did not feel hatred or disgusted.
- I did not been pretentious.
This things that I did not do gives me the pleasure and satisfaction.

When I look back there were period on those wary time that I wished I had clearly known my shortcomings and mistakes considered by the other as such. This for my contemplation, so as to evolve and develop myself. However, I guess there is nothing to know. For now I had known and understood that:
- some people will call you crazy and sick when you tell the truth, the more you tell the truth the more they are convince that you are insane.
- when people lie they will lie to cover the lie, reasons becomes reasoning.
- some people will find reasons to serve there purpose, and are used to move around bushes.
- a fact that kept secret or hidden is always a stinky one.
- when you give a helping hand they will judge you as a manipulator a controller.
- knowledge and intelligence and ability are not often a gift it could be a curse, things are better off unknown sometimes.
- some people judge others thru there experiences and sees everything as the same.
- aristocracy and hypocrisy is the downfall of kingdoms.
- theatrical communication is truly deceiving. it doesnt show the true expression of the heart.
- ridiculous is a word for unbelievable but true.
- unresolve problem will cause dillusional and distort facts.
- there are people who insist in drawing a thick line between friendship and love, love and friendship are spelled the same and pronounced the same.
- one can not do anything much for the other in a short time frame, patience is a virtue.
- when I trust I should trust or its better not to trust at all.
- you can be an extreme to anything and everything but never with relationship.
- love is everything love is nothing, the end will justify.
- fate had nothing to do with love we are the architects of our own destiny.


The lighting speed experience of this compact event in a span of 25 days. Had given me so much, it let me discover the other part of me. That it solidify my whole knowledge and understanding. It made my heart stronger, not as a fortress, but a heart with courage and strength to open at it’s widest. It turns the little intelligence that I have into wisdom.

Now as everything is clearer. I can feel joy in my heart, my mind is at peace, my body and soul is in harmony. Now I am sharing to you the learning experience that we all similarly encounter/will encounter with a smile. For us to remember that things are not what they seems and things happen for a reason. Sad but True.

death or immortality

why do we have to worry about uncertainties.
in life living is uncertain.
there is only one thing certain.
we all die, death is certain.

if we could absorb and understand that death is a gift.
we will be certain that our life will not be of dead but of the living.

religion have been giving us hope of life after death.
in a sole purpose of not fearing death but welcome it with warm embrace.
so as for us to live in peace, love and harmony in this mortal life.

millennium after millennium what have we learn? nothing.
we live in fear and self destruction, in quest of what? nothing.
satisfaction is never achieved. in aim for immortality we take life.

what is the purpose of our living? why do we work so hard? is it for achievements? for possessions? for fame? for prosperity and wealth? all of this come done to self satisfaction. satisfaction that insure peace, love and harmony with others and with in.

the satisfaction you bring to others and to yourself in this mortal life, will is an assurance that you will eternally be remembered. that then you achieved immortality. that then you have your religion.

Do you believe in god?

warning: read at your own risk.
indication: food for thought and for analytical purposes only
dosage: take it lightly with open heart and mind.
contra: not advice for fanatic, weak in faith and hopeless.
in case of overdose: prepare a dinking glass-cut your wrist-drain blood into the glass and drink. this to normalize pressure and insure proper blood circulation.


do you believe in god?

- the one you can blame for all the misery and failure.
- a king who sits on his throne while half of civilization kill it self for his name.
- someone you can talk thru the void space and never be called insane.
- the one who love to professed glory and be praised while doing nothing.
- a lord who demand to be loved and give him everything while you have nothing.
- the miracle giver when you are in success.
- an expert in blaming you for your mistake and short comings.
- the commander of armies with blind faith.
- a creator and the destroyer.
- the master of test and provider of temptation
- a juror of the unknown destiny.
- an omnipotent who display its power in times of prosperity and peace.

one thing im sure of god is hope. and hope is all we got, when we are in the dark valley of death. hope, a psychological and emotional condition that transform the dead into living. a fuel that generate life. for we like it or not all roads passes thru the dark valley of death and all we need is hope in order to continue moving forward and reach the other side. if not we will move in circle inside that valley till our death.

if god is a friend, a listening ear, a reaching arm, a giver, someone to rely on, a comforter, a helper, somebody you can share, the one who offers and shoulder to rest on. not in times of wealth or prosperity, happiness, peace, high and goodness - but in times of sorrow, grief, pain, poverty, emptiness and nothingness.

then you are a god. to you I ask forgiveness for all my failures and mistakes. your pure heart is worth all the praises and thanks. to you I serve you are my friend, my family.